Commenting on my last post, an insightful reader by the name of Rebecca Leigh discussed the incredible pressures we feel to conform to the expectations of our ‘nearest and dearest’.

I’m glad she did.  Although I have referred several times to the pressure our culture places on us to conform, I confess that I have been avoiding the issue when it comes to friends and family. 

Steven Forrest talks of ‘agents within the city walls, spies whose task it is to open up the gates from the inside’. They are our friends and family members. Often they are our parents. They love us, sure. They want the best for us. But that is a far cry from saying they understand us.

Forrest’s language – ’spies’, ‘agents’ – is extreme, but I think necessarily so. It’s a wake-up call.

You know what I’m talking about. 

For want of a better example, let’s take my decision to start a blog.  In the first place, I was hesitant to share my plans with most of my friends and family – fearing that, if they were less than 100% supportive, it would put a damper on my enthusiasm.  When I did speak up, the response varied.  Some people were hugely supportive.  Others didn’t say anything much.  And at the other end of the spectrum, one person simply said: ‘You know no-one will ever read it’.  Ouch. 

Imagine if we never did anything at all, simply because other people ‘knew’ it wouldn’t be worthwhile! 

Ok, maybe my blog isn’t the best example.  Not a lot of people do read it.  But many more do than I ever imagined.  More importantly, it has helped my writing and learning practice enormously.  And most importantly by far – I did it.

We each live in our own inner world, seeing ourselves and others through the filter of our own perceptions.

It helps to remember that when other people criticise us, they are simply verbalising their own fears. Desperately trying to shore up their own self-esteem.

Of course by the time we realise this, we’ve already soaked up an incredible amount of negativity.  Especially as children, when we were so dependent and so defenceless against the onslaught.  Rebecca, for example, was told repeatedly throughout her childhood and early adulthood that her natural inclination towards introversion was selfish. ‘How much personal growth was stunted by this demonisation of the simple act of looking inwards?’ she asks. 

It’s heartbreaking.  And it’s not even unusual.  When I was about eight years old, I rememember my mother asking me why I couldn’t be normal ‘like all the other children’.  An off the cuff remark that I have replayed in my mind, and used to beat myself up with, on countless occasions.

Now that we are all grown up, we have a choice. 

We can let outside opinion beat us down before we’ve even started.  Or we can be mindful of the ‘inner filters’ of ourselves and others, and do it – whatever it is! – anyway.

Living together with other people means that we can’t all go around doing whatever the heck we feel like.  But it’s important to not become habitually agreeable to the extent that we hobble ourselves with ‘I should’ and ‘I can’t’ and ‘What will people think’. 

That’s easier said than done – but then the most important things always are.

I believe that the path to freedom is self-knowledge. 

We can never really understand other people.  The filter of our perception is always there.  So at least allow some time and space to know yourself.  To recognise yourself, as great and as yuck as you can be. 

It’s frightening.  It’s boring.  It’s exhilarating.  Ultimately, it’s all we’ve got.

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Of course the flipside is: we are the spies within the city walls of others!  Scary thought…

After spending time in dramatic Leo since early May, Mars travels through Virgo from this Wednesday 2 July until mid August.

We may notice a shift from Leonic grand guesture to a more analytical, practical frame of mind. ‘If Mars is how we assert our initiative and will, and if Virgo is the sign of purity and idealism,’ says Astrobarry, ‘then naturally we must put on our reading spectacles and look very closely at what we’re doing.’

Or, as Mystic Medusa puts it, this is the ultimate get your shit together fast transit. We may begin to assess the cogs of our daily lives and plan some finetuning. Even more shockingly – we may put those plans into action! Complete them! And then move onto the next target!

We’ll be helped along the way by more than just Virgo. Mars is conjunct Saturn for the next three weeks or so, making this is one of our best moments all year to tackle the work we’ve been either unconsciously shrinking from or consciously avoiding.

Good thing too – after all, it is the beginning of the financial year. AKA time to start thinking about those pesky tax returns. My in-tray is filling up with receipts and PAYG statements as we speak (yes, I do have an in-tray at home. Yes, really). Not to mention all the other things I’ve been putting off… painting the house for example… and the yearly doctor’s appointment (several months overdue)… also, my wardrobe could do with a little reorganising…

Which brings me the full circle, back to the Venus-in-Cancer-mother-yourself stuff I was on about yesterday. It’s good to get things done. But let’s not get carried away (always an option when Mars is in the equation). We need to look after ourselves too!

Fortunately, Virgo is concerned with more than just the mundane nitty-gritty of life. She is intimately interested in our health as well. Nutrition. Healing. Exercise. Detoxifying.

Like I said yesterday – take a walk, draw a bath, eat some vegies. You’ll feel good physically and get that wonderful virtuous glow, all at the same time. Perfect!

During my astrological browsings this morning, I discovered that this week Jupiter sesquisquared Saturn (Thursday evening EST). A sesquisquare, or sesquiquadrate, is three times the semisquare, resulting in an angle of 135°.

So – what does that mean? A thought-provoking post on Inspiredastrology says that, because the two planets govern the workings of society (Jupiter = hope and Saturn = rules), this sesquisquare highlights our attempts to balance personal goals with our responsibilities and obligations. ‘The rules, as you’ve always followed them, may seem especially limiting and off-course. There may be something else you need to be doing for your future success, yet you already have an obligation.’

I mention this because last night I experienced a stronger-than-usual crisis of conscience. I was reading Steven Forrest’s The Inner Sky, trying to work out what my Aquarius moon in the 9th house might mean. Rereading the chapter on Aquarius, I was struck by its significance as never before. Sentences leaped out: ‘The Water-Bearer’s mortal enemy is the tribal instinct’; ‘The battering ram takes many forms, but in essence it is the pressure brought upon us by our culture to conform to an established pattern of behaviour’; ‘Somewhere, deep in the core of her psyche there has to be a conviction that her perceptions are valid’ (emphases his). The 9th house: ‘All our views of reality are conditioned by an unspoken model of the world – and that model is always arbitrary and limiting’; ‘We must intentionally move to break up our routines of behaviour and thought’. Finally, a question posed by the moon: ‘What kinds of experiences are most essential to my happiness?’.

Last night, I reviewed my life and saw how, brick by brick, I had steadily constructed my own prison. Believing the stories I was told, I devotedly acquired everything I ‘needed’. A job. A mortgage. A car. Various insurance policies. Nice clothes. And in doing so I frittered my energies away, at the expense of that which will make my life truly worthwhile.

It’s not a pleasant feeling. We know that the path that leads us away from the norm is not an easy one. But how much harder – each and every grinding, dreary day – is the alternative?

Of the Jupiter Saturn sesquisquare Inspiredastrology says ‘Your obligations may be from the past, but they also represent your own need for safety and security. If this has become a burden, you may be realizing how you have restricted your own growth through your beliefs.’
Tick.

But this time also offers hope: ‘Why shouldn’t things work out? Try to think of what blocks you have put in your path to greater success and abundance. As Jupiter is also in a supportive aspect to Uranus, this is a time you can break through old beliefs that have prevented you from accessing your intuition and experiencing life spontaneously. This is a time you can recognize and release old judgments and criticisms that keep you locked just where you are. If you want to move beyond whatever feels blocked, you can do it with your own willingness to grow, experience, and develop.’